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Trail Talk

I spend my days at a software company, helping to write rules that computers use to figure out what they should do next. Lately, it occurred to me that you could write a set of rules so that a machine could be sent out on the trails (if the mechanical parts could handle the terrain) to answer the most vexing question I face there: when to trim a branch.

Software rules work like those choose-your-own-adventure books I used to read. If you answer one question, you have a few more. Here is an attempt at a choose-your-own-branch set of rules that a machine could use to keep the trails clear.

First, you'd have to set some variables: A. Is it wet out? (If it is, then A=yes.) B. Who is with you? (B=1 if it's one of your kids.)

Then, the machine would ask this series of questions:

1. Is the branch broken off the tree and lying in the trail? If yes, go to 2. If no, go to 5.

2. We use "wilderness area" rules, which means that except in extreme cases, no chainsaws. Can you cut it with the handsaw? If yes, go to 3. If no, go to 4.

3. Cut the branch in as few places as possible, and push or roll it well off the trail (assuming that when B=1, the party in question doesn't mind too much and nothing's going to fall on your variable.) Next branch.

4. Wait until there are a few chainsaw-worthy branches on various trails, then take a walk with that loud machine. Don't do this if B=1. If the branch would block ATV riders (the ones that are always shocked -shocked!- to find that they're not allowed on the trails), cut it so someone could step over it, but not ride over it. Next trip.

5. OK, so the branch is still part of a tree, but it's blocking the trail at least partially. Does it have thorns on it? If yes, go to 6. If no, go to 7.

6. Cut it. Next branch. One of two things that vegetation can't do on the trail is grab you. The other such thing is in number 7.

7. Did it just poke you in the eye? If yes, it has to be cut. But there is a proviso here: If A=1, it might rise up as the tree dries out. Or, regardless of whether it's wet out, you might be able to nip one branch of the branch, so to speak, and lighten the entire branch enough that it lifts itself above eye level. Next branch. If it didn't just poke you in the eye, go to 8.

8. Generally, we want our trails to narrow from what they are now (except for the ones that have to open for fire roads). If you're on Mountain Road, trim it. Next branch. If you're not, go to 9.

9. Can you go around it without widening the trail? I don't mean if you're on a horse, because by definition, if you're on a horse, you're not on our trails (though that doesn't explain the horseshoe prints I find sometimes --hmmä). If yes, go to 10. If no, go to 10.

10. Is it just too beautiful or does its presence make the trail too pretty to cut it? No machine can decide this-in other words, job security=yes. And this leads to one final rule: In all things, give the natural area's nature the benefit of the doubt. It's been at this a lot longer than I or any machine.